Mannequins of the Internet

    Like most of my readers, I use other venues to connect with people; sites such as Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and a few others. I am most active on Facebook. Many of my friends and family live far away and a social network like this is the best way to keep in touch, share thoughts and ideas, or just be silly. I have also made connections with people I have never met face to face. I have met these people through mutual friends or through conversations on mutually 'liked' interest pages. I do not add people willy nilly just to have a large number under my 'friends' heading. I actually add very few people.

    Most online connections that I have who are not face to face friends or family are from people who sent me a request for friendship. I do not even accept those requests lightly. I will go to their page to see what types of things if any that we have in common. I will see when they created their page. I will look to see what kinds of groups they are in, music they like, movies they watch and if we have any mutual friends. I want to see if there is some common ground.  I then either accept of decline the request. If I accept I take the time to try and get to know the person.

     In the past month or two I have had an unusual amount of people unfriending me. I am not sure why and I am only left to guess or assume the cause. The things I come up with are pretty shallow. One very resounding reason seems to be, mutual friends.  Jane is having a fight with Sylvia so Sylvia unfriends Jane. I was still talking to Jane, I would comment on her posts, or like her pictures. I would also still talk to Sylvia and like her pictures and comment on her posts. Since I am friends with Sylvia, Jane unfriends me even though I had nothing to do with their fight. I said nothing about their fight. I did not even talk to them about their fight. I even chose to stay out of it when I saw them passively aggressively attacking each other all over the internet. Heck that is between them, I have no business sticking my nose where it does not belong.  Perhaps I should have taken sides?

    Of course I am using fake names in the above scenario, but it seems that several times this has been the case. It bothers me, because as I said, I try and take the time to get to know people. To me Facebook is not a business, it is a place where I make friends and communicate with friends and family. I am a real person, with real opinions, real ideas, dreams, and aspirations, but most of all very real feelings.

    I share my feelings about things. This can range anywhere from how I feel about the treatment of our veterans to religion. Or from my opinion on a certain restaurant to my opinion on a story I read on a news website.

    When I share my views/feelings/opinions, I am not trying to convert you to my way of thinking. I am merely sharing my viewpoint, my feelings and my take on any given scenario. I share most of these things very publicly and I love feedback. I love it when people share their own ideas, or feelings, I love discussing varying viewpoints.  Heck I can even be swayed to see things in a whole new light. I am not closed minded. I am not shut off to the idea that I might be missing another angle.

    When someone decides to remove me without so much as a word about it or why, then I left to assume that our connection never meant anything to them. They were simply a number under my "friends" heading and I was simply a number under theirs. They are the walking talking mannequin that I never wanted to have as a connection in the first place. I suppose I should be grateful that they are gone now, but I'm not. I took a vested interest in this person. I took time out of my day to say hello. I took time out of my day to show interest in what they had to say.  I made room for them in my life. So yes it does bother me. Yes I do feel like I really did not matter. You can say, "who cares, they weren't a real friend anyway. You don't need that in your life. You are better off without them." I think you know as well as I do, those words are just a cover-up for what we really feel. Sure we don't need that in our lives but that does not negate the fact we suddenly feel a little or a lot hurt. We feel used to a certain extent, and we are left to wonder. " Seriously, what the heck did I ever do to you?"

    The best way I can try and protect myself is too see these people not as genuine human beings, having a genuine heart, but only as being emotionless, uncaring mannequins of the internet.

Parenting: I did it right and wrong.

    I am sitting here this morning reflecting on so many things, but mostly my life as a mother. In so many ways I feel I have done a great job raising my children but in so many other ways I feel I have failed them miserably. I have four children, but in this article I am referring to my two youngest who are 17 and almost 19.

    I taught them about love, compassion, trust and family bonds. I taught them that no matter what happens in this life, family is important. Your family will always be there for you and you should always be there for them. We may fight and argue at time but when it comes right down to it we are always there for each other. In the process of teaching them this, I would fight their battles at the school with school officials, I would talk to other parents about how their children were treating my children. I did so much for my kids, that in the process, I forgot to teach them to self advocate and how to stick up for themselves and fight their own battles. This is a very important lesson for them to learn. I will not always be around to do this for them. All of my children are now adults or nearing adulthood and I am seeing so many skills they will need as adults and I failed to teach them.

    My children are fearful of doing the things they need such as something as simple as calling and making their own appointments at the dentist or eye doctor.  School was hard for my kids. They were bullied and treated poorly. I really hated the public school system and so did my children.  I caved and let them drop out. Very bad decision on my part. Now I am sitting here watching another woman do the things I should have taught one of my daughters to do or helped her do on her own.  I am feeling like the bad parent. This other woman is going on about how she is going to help my daughter get her GED or high school diploma. This should not bother me as much as it does. I should feel grateful and not seething with jealousy or anger. Part of me is grateful, but the bigger part of me is angry. Perhaps mostly at myself but also at this other woman for doing my job, or more precisely my daughter's job. I have spent the better part of the past two years trying to teach my daughter the things I failed to teach her when she was growing up and that is how to do these things on her own and to self advocate in order to do the things that need to be done. I do understand getting help with some information, but I do not want anyone, not myself, not her father, not her step-father or her step-mother doing it all for her.

    I really do have good children. They have never been trouble makers. They have never sneaked out at night, skipped school to go partying with friends or been in any trouble with the officials. They always check in and let me know where they are or where they are going if they are going somewhere other than where they said they were going. They are kind, compassionate and genuinely care for people and the world around them.  This is another area I excelled in teaching them and at the same time failed. I taught them love and compassion and kindness but in the process forgot to teach them how to be tough and realize that sometimes the world is an ugly place and not everyone is kind and compassionate and that sometimes we have to just turn the other cheek and deal with it. My children are very sensitive, they are easily hurt and very anxious about getting out in the world and living life to it's fullest.

    It's the little things we don't think about that can have the biggest impact. While love and compassion and trust are essential. We need to remember and teach our children some of the harsher lessons in life. It is natural for us to want to protect our children, but we must be careful that while in protecting them, we do not also harm them by inadvertently preventing them from gaining essential skills they will need as adults. We won't always be here for them. Chances are when they absolutely need us the most is when we are gone. Teach them now how to deal with that so they do not 'break' when the time comes.