Bathtubs Provoke Deep Though.

    I type this as I sit here with dripping wet hair and a partially clothed body. I just got out of the bath and I have no clean clothes to put on. My husband barely has his work clothes. I was rank smelling. I have needed to take a bath for awhile. I have no desire; scratch that... I have no energy to go dig the hair dryer out from under the bathroom cabinet and stand there for 15 minutes while I dry my hair. I do have the desire and therein lies the problem. I want / desire to do many things.  I want to wake up, shower and do  my make-up and feel pretty. I want to go out and get my grocery shopping done. I want to clean this house to the standards not only I enjoy but also that my husband and family enjoys. I want to take the kids to get the things done that they want to do. I just do not have the energy.  I have been under the impression that I am getting sick, catching some kind of bug.

    As I was sitting in the bath thinking on things and what I want to get done and I started crying because I just don't have the energy. I came to the realization that I am not sick. The shocking reality is that I am overwhelmingly depressed. All the signs are there. I was taught many years ago to recognize the signs of my own depression, but things have been so good for us; how could I be depressed?

  So I sat in that hot bath as it became increasingly colder and thought about things. I came to several conclusions that I will lay out for you my readers, most of which are family and friends.
I was so ecstatically happy when I learned we were going to be moving to San Marcos. "I Love San Marcos, I have friends there and close to there. I will feel like the old me again." Yeah right.

    I fucking hate San Marcos. It is not the nice small town I remember. It is an overpopulated tiny piece of land and I fear for my life every time I leave this complex in a vehicle. I fear for my children's life every time they decide to walk to the store for a soda or chips. This town is simply to small to accommodate the overwhelming human population growth it has seen in the past ten years. Sure the town had grown physically some, but not near enough to handle the population. Don't even get me started on the way these absent minded, texting, reading, sleeping college kids drive.

    I have tried going to the grocery store at various times of the day, minus the middle of the night and the ass crack of dawn. It is always busy, people are always rude and completely unaware that there are other people besides them in the store or out on the streets.  Twits, the lot of them.

Yep San Marcos, oh how I hate you.

    I was also excited because of friends. OMG I have friends here and I will get to see them and go do things and not sit at home all day. Again... yeah right. My "friends" apparently could not give a rat's ass that I am back.  No calls and no visits. Before you ask, yes I did contact them and say, "Hey I am back, we should get together sometime when you are free." Apparently they are never free.

    Jess and Bethany, I have been a horrible friend. You guys have been great, tried and true. I sit here on my ass and get sad over the "friends" I never see and all the while two of the greatest friends I ever had sit over there neglected by me. You have my permission to slap the crap out of me the next time you see me.

Yep San Marcos, oh how I hate you.

    I really do want to go back to work. I am sure my husband says, "Uh huh sure you do." Honestly this is a twofold problem. I am scared that I wont be able to cut it. With all the issues I have with my back and hip (and now my shoulder, wtf is up with that anyway) I am concerned that I will be a failure as an employee. Secondly, the my past interviews (and one almost interview - ugh that bitch!!) have really hurt my self esteem. I do not think I am ugly, but with my teeth, I do not feel that employers want to put me customer facing. Let's face it, my smile is a bit off-putting to many people. First impressions are always things like unsanitary, unclean, drug user, etc. I will agree with all of you who say, I have a great smile. I think I do to, I just do not have great teeth. I love to smile. I love to laugh.. just not in front of people I do not know.  So there it is. I am scared to fail and my fear of failing is failure in and of itself.

    I won't even get into the menopause. I have already talked about that.
So there you have it in a big ol' tub of whoa is me self pity pot. I am depressed. I need to get out of this funk. I do not want to take pills for it. I want to overcome it.

    I want to use this last line to thank everyone who sticks with me through this. I know I am not a lot of fun to be around a lot of the time right now. I hope soon I will be back to my usual self.. or new and improved self.

    Chris, I  love you with every fiber of my being, even though I am sure I have not shown it much lately. Please know that you mean the world to me.

    Sarah, Zaine, Dib, and Dalton, I know I am cranky a lot and am not helping you with some things I said I would help you with. I PROMISE to do better. You know I do not make promises lightly.

    Jess and Bethany. I love you guys. You are the best friends anyone could ask for. Y'all have been great. I have been a reclusive twit. I am sorry.  We will hang out soon okay?

The Witch Bottle

I don't know about all you folks but there seems to be a lot of nasty negativity and vindictive people out there lately. It might be time to make your witch bottles

Witch bottles are oddly neglected in today's society, but for centuries they were very popular across rural Europe, especially two or three centuries ago.

Regardless of how pure your intentions are, there will always be someone who resents who you are or what you do, plus let's be honest; magic attracts some pretty odd characters. Due to this, and just how society seems to be in whole these days. you would be smart to lay some strong protection against ill wishers.

The idea of a witch bottle is that it will attract and trap hostile intent by essentially tricking it into believing it has found the intended target-you! This method is almost the same as a voodoo doll, except in reverse. The bottle is a representation of self, therefor must include a physical part of you. In the days of old, this was urine. with which the bottle is half filled. Hair, nail clippings and (even ones own blood was used if the threat was serious). Then you would add items meant to snare and hold the bad intent such as bent nails, straight pins, thorn vine, barbed wire, broken glass, all manner of sticky pokey nasty things. Some modern witches like to add protective herbs such as rosemary and sage.

To make you own Protective Witch Bottle:

You will need-

• A small glass jar with lid
• Sharp, items such as nails, razor blades, bent pins, glass, thorns etc.
• Your own hair, and nail clippings
• Sea salt
• Black sand or dirt from a graveyard because this is consecrated dirt.
• Red string or ribbon
• A black candle

Light the black candle, you will need the wax later on.

Fill the jar approximately halfway with the sharp, items hair and nail clippings.
Add the salt, and sand or dirt which is used for purification, and then, the red string or ribbon.

Next part is very dependent on what you are comfortable with.

You will want to fill the remainder of the jar with your own urine, however if you are not comfortable with this you can add your own hair, and nail clippings (you can also use the hair and nail clippings even if you do choose to use your urine.) If you choose not to use your own urine you can use red wine instead and then spit in it.

Cap the jar very tightly after all items have been placed within and cover the seal with the wax from the black candle.

Next you will need to decide where to hide your Witch's Bottle. If you live in an apartment this can be a challenge. You might choose behind a cabinet, behind the refrigerator, up on top of a cabinet way back in a corner. If you live in house this can be much easier to figure out. You might choose under a doorstep, up in a chimney, behind a cabinet, in a corner in the attic etc. MY preferred hiding place when living in a house is burying it at the furthest corner of the property away from the house but still on my property, that way the negative energy it attracts will never enter my home when seeking me.

Remember, make your bottle 100% you.

Love and Light to you all,
~Tess~