Where is my sign?

    I don't know what you would call it, mid-life crisis, pre-empty nest syndrome or just plain ol' crazy. Whatever you call it, I am not in the best of spirits lately and feeling pretty down on myself.

    It really hit a high yesterday when I heard through the grapevine that my oldest daughter was not coming to me about things that are bothering her. We used to be extremely close. She would talk to me about everything. Not so much now. I see her down in the dumps and try to talk to her and she just tells me she is tired. Uhm, excuse me, I am your mother. I know the difference between when you're tired and when you're depressed, but okay you will talk to me when you are up to it. Or so I thought.

    Last week she was late getting out the door to go to work and I had to stop what I was doing to give her a ride. Yes I was irritated and I explained to her that she needs to watch the clock better. She said she did not realize how late it was and merely stated, "Hence watching the clock  better." Apparently I upset her more that I realized. From what I was told it is partly to do with the fact that, well, I was upset with her in general. The main reason though, is that she is starting to feel the demands of adulthood and the responsibility that goes with it.  She did not come and talk to me about these concerns, she talked to someone else. I cried when I learned this.

    I realize that what is going on is the natural course of our lives as parents. Our children grow up, and need us less and less as they get older. The part I am struggling with is this. My self defining role has always been, "above all else, I am a mother." While I still have my son at home, who is sixteen I realize he really does not come to me much either. I am now seeing myself at a crossroad that I don't think I was emotionally or spiritually ready to come to yet.

    I am pretty certain that my subconscious knew what was coming and has been trying to prepare me. I have been a stay at home mother for about sixteen years. This past year I have been feeling the pull to get back into the work-force. This has been another thorn in my side. I am not  having the easiest time finding a job. Not many people want to even consider someone who has not worked in almost twenty years. I have been called for several interviews but they have not panned out. I personally feel it is my appearance. I Have visible tattoos that I can not cover and I am missing quite a few teeth due to a severe mineral deficiency during my pregnancies. In essence I look like a 50 year old ex-biker meth head.  Of course that is the furthest thing from the truth, but first impressions and all ya know.

    While at this cross-road in my life, where I am changing from being a full time mother to being something else. I came to the conclusion that now it is my husbands time to get my full attention. I am pretty much failing in this department. He gets up and goes to work everyday. He works hard and brings home a paycheck to keep a roof over our heads, food in our stomachs and the internet which allows me to be able to write and post this today. I can't even remember to do something as simple as take his work shirts out of the dryer so they won't be wrinkled and set up the coffee pot so he has coffee in the morning.
This morning I guess I heard him moving about and realized that I had forgotten to take his shirts out of the dryer and hang them up. It was that point that I asked myself, "Oh shit, did I remember to set the coffee pot up for him?" I came flying out of bed and into the kitchen to witness him heading out the door empty handed (no coffee mug ). I apologized and went to the bathroom sat on the toilet and commenced crying my out out, yet again.

    Naturally my husband was concerned and was late getting out the door. He wanted to make sure I was okay. I explained that I was fine. He asked if there was something he should or could be doing and I assured him that what I was going through had absolutely nothing to do with him. He is perfect.  I explained to him what I just shared with you all. He seems to think that maybe he.we should be doing something different. I explained again that I am otherwise happy. I love my  life, I love him. I just don't know how to deal with this cross-road.

    Mid-life crisis? Pre empty nest syndrome? Plain ol' crazy? Perhaps just a little bit of each. All I want to know is why does my cross-road not have a friggin sign?!

You can't have your Equality and Racism too.

We can never expect to have total equality in this nation when actions are always blamed on racial, religious, or sexual motivation.

I am am upset with the GZ verdict just as much as other people are BUT, what I am even more upset with is the race card being thrown out like it is. I don't think this was about race and am pretty fed up with it being turned into a racial issue. We are are fighting for equality in this country for every single person and every time something like this gets turned into a racial issue it sets us back a decade or more. How can we as a nation get past the race debate, if every time a person of color dies or a person of color kills a person not of color "it was racially motivated." The fact that another human used deadly force against an unarmed youth and allowed to walk away is the travesty here, not the fact the youth was black and the shooter was not.

Trayvon Martin could not speak for himself. Everyone involved and everyone following the story could only listen to his shooters words and speculate what went through young Mr. Martin's mind at the time of the attack.

Here is my view and my take on it.

If I am walking down the road and I notice a truck following me for several blocks, I am going to be very nervous, and go into defense mode. If the driver of that truck pulls over, gets out and approaches me I am going to be very on edge and very defensive. If I see the person approaching me is carrying a gun I am not going to wait very long to defend myself. Zimmerman was told by 911 NOT to approach the suspect, he did so anyway, which in my opinion shows a desire for confrontation. That leaves the question, who was defending themselves first.. Trayvon or Zimmerman. I can only go on assumption here since one of the parties is dead. My assumption is that Trayvon feared for his safety and acted in the only way he could with only a bag of skittles in his pocket and no other other weapon. He used his fists when someone he saw as a threat tried to apprehend him and got the upper hand in the situation. Zimmerman then shot him.

I think Zimmerman was a bully with a gun not a racist. The courts made him out to be the victim. The only victim in this situation is a young man who lost his life too soon and the family who will never see him reach adulthood.

That's all I have to say on it. I hope all this racism crap comes to an end soon. Until then I will be playing video games and watching non-news television.


Peace and Love to you all,
~MommaTess~

Myths and Misconceptions - The Truth About Wicca and Paganism

I felt this was a very well done article on the common myths and misconceptions about Wicca and Paganism in general. I shared this article several other places as well. The most important thing to remember folks, is this If you do not understand something then ask questions, don't run away with your tail between your legs!

                                                               

Myths and Misconceptions - The Truth About Wicca and Paganism
By Patti Wigington


Do witches worship the Devil?
No. Satan is a Christian construct, and Wiccans don't worship him. Even the Satanists don't actually worship Satan, but that's a whole 'nother conversation.

You guys have sex orgies, right?
Nope. However, most Pagans and Wiccans are pretty liberal when it comes to sexuality. We don't care who you sleep with, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult. We don't care if you're straight, gay, transgendered, polyamorous, or anything else. Who you have sex with, and how often, and in what manner is your business. We just hope that whatever you're doing, you do responsibly. There are some Wiccan groups who practice skyclad, or nude, but it is not sexual in nature.

How come you use that Satanic symbol with the star on it?
You mean the pentacle? That's a symbol, for many Wiccans and Pagans, of the four classical elements: earth, air, fire and water, as well as a fifth element of Spirit or Self.

Do Wiccans cast spells?
Yes. In Wicca, and many other Pagan paths, the use of magic is considered perfectly natural. It's not the same as the magic seen in Harry Potter, but for Wiccans, magic is part of the natural world. Some spells take the form of prayers to the gods, and others are based on direction of will and intent. Most Wiccans will tell you they use spellwork for a variety of things -- healing, personal empowerment, prosperity, etc. Magic is a tool that is typically used in tandem with the mundane, or non-magical, world.

What's the difference between a Wiccan and a Pagan?
Nearly all Wiccans are Pagans, but not all Pagans are Wiccans. As if that wasn't puzzling enough, there are some people who are witches, but not Wiccan or Pagan. Confused yet? You're not alone. Bascially, "Pagan" is an umbrella term for a group of different spiritual paths.

Why do people become Wiccans?
The reasons are as varied as the people. Some find themselves drawn to Wicca because of a dissatisfaction with other religions. Others study a variety of religions and then realize that Wicca is the most compatible with what they already believe. A few people who are practicing Wiccans and Pagans today were raised in Pagan families. Regardless, nearly every Wiccan will tell you that they came to Wicca because they knew it was the right path for them.

How do you recruit new Wiccans into your religion?
We don't. Although we'll happily share information with you and answer your questions, we're not interested in 'collecting' new recruits.

Aren't you worried that you're going to go to hell?
Well, no. Much like Satan, the concept of Hell is a Christian one. It's not really even on our radar. However, there are a few people -- typically those who have come to Wicca from a Christian background -- who do worry about this very issue. For the rest of us, we know that the future of our soul does not depend on salvation or acceptance of deity as a savior. Instead, we focus on doing good things, because we know that what we do in this lifetime will echo upon us in the next.

Do you believe in God?
Wiccans and Pagans are typically polytheistic, which means we believe in more than one deity. If you look at "god" as a job title rather than a proper name, we believe in a variety of gods and goddesses, rather than One Single God. Most Pagans and Wiccans acknowledge the existence of thousands of deities, but generally worship or honor only the gods of their own tradition.