Parenting: I did it right and wrong.

    I am sitting here this morning reflecting on so many things, but mostly my life as a mother. In so many ways I feel I have done a great job raising my children but in so many other ways I feel I have failed them miserably. I have four children, but in this article I am referring to my two youngest who are 17 and almost 19.

    I taught them about love, compassion, trust and family bonds. I taught them that no matter what happens in this life, family is important. Your family will always be there for you and you should always be there for them. We may fight and argue at time but when it comes right down to it we are always there for each other. In the process of teaching them this, I would fight their battles at the school with school officials, I would talk to other parents about how their children were treating my children. I did so much for my kids, that in the process, I forgot to teach them to self advocate and how to stick up for themselves and fight their own battles. This is a very important lesson for them to learn. I will not always be around to do this for them. All of my children are now adults or nearing adulthood and I am seeing so many skills they will need as adults and I failed to teach them.

    My children are fearful of doing the things they need such as something as simple as calling and making their own appointments at the dentist or eye doctor.  School was hard for my kids. They were bullied and treated poorly. I really hated the public school system and so did my children.  I caved and let them drop out. Very bad decision on my part. Now I am sitting here watching another woman do the things I should have taught one of my daughters to do or helped her do on her own.  I am feeling like the bad parent. This other woman is going on about how she is going to help my daughter get her GED or high school diploma. This should not bother me as much as it does. I should feel grateful and not seething with jealousy or anger. Part of me is grateful, but the bigger part of me is angry. Perhaps mostly at myself but also at this other woman for doing my job, or more precisely my daughter's job. I have spent the better part of the past two years trying to teach my daughter the things I failed to teach her when she was growing up and that is how to do these things on her own and to self advocate in order to do the things that need to be done. I do understand getting help with some information, but I do not want anyone, not myself, not her father, not her step-father or her step-mother doing it all for her.

    I really do have good children. They have never been trouble makers. They have never sneaked out at night, skipped school to go partying with friends or been in any trouble with the officials. They always check in and let me know where they are or where they are going if they are going somewhere other than where they said they were going. They are kind, compassionate and genuinely care for people and the world around them.  This is another area I excelled in teaching them and at the same time failed. I taught them love and compassion and kindness but in the process forgot to teach them how to be tough and realize that sometimes the world is an ugly place and not everyone is kind and compassionate and that sometimes we have to just turn the other cheek and deal with it. My children are very sensitive, they are easily hurt and very anxious about getting out in the world and living life to it's fullest.

    It's the little things we don't think about that can have the biggest impact. While love and compassion and trust are essential. We need to remember and teach our children some of the harsher lessons in life. It is natural for us to want to protect our children, but we must be careful that while in protecting them, we do not also harm them by inadvertently preventing them from gaining essential skills they will need as adults. We won't always be here for them. Chances are when they absolutely need us the most is when we are gone. Teach them now how to deal with that so they do not 'break' when the time comes.