Escaping the Prison of Fear.

In just under two weeks, I will be making a major move in my life. I am both excited and nervous about this. I left Texas over eleven years ago and thought I would never return even though I would always consider it my home. Texas is a part of me, it is in my blood. I love Texas and leaving it broke my heart. I had to leave though.

I won't get into why I had to leave in this entry but if you would like to read more about that, then follow this link to the blog about that chapter in my life. A Year's Time. It was time to move on to the next chapter. I had no idea what it held but I had to move on. Now the time has come to face my past and my fears and explore the next chapter.

The town, San Marcos, Texas is where it all began for me and it all ended...or so I thought. I am moving back with my new, wonderful and supportive husband and three of my children, (the other one lives in California). I have the courage to do this for several reasons.

First, I have grown and have learned forgiveness. Yes, I forgive the people that caused my family so much pain and anguish. I will never forget, and part of me will always have a hard time trusting anyone new in my life. However, I will continue to give people the benefit of the doubt even though I am secretly cringing in fear on the inside. I can no longer be guided by that fear.

Another reason is because I have a wonderfully supportive network of family and friends that are going to be there as well. My husband will not let me turn into the shell of a woman I became shortly after all hell broke lose. He understands my fear, but he will help me to not live by it's standards. He will help to remind me, I am a strong woman. I am not weak, hateful or evil like some people from my past would like me and others to believe.  I AM a good person and this will shine through as long as I keep my head held high.

The third reason my wonderful friends that are like my brother and sister are moving there as well. They are actually the reason I am moving. They are some of the most supportive people I have ever had the privilege of having in my life. With their support also comes, sometimes harsh honesty that I do not always like to  hear at the time, but is truth none-the-less. Sometimes I need that. I need to hear that I am being selfish, or a coward, or be made aware that I am starting to shut myself in and down. The relationship with these friends have had hard times in the past but due to the hard times I believe we have a much stronger bond. I love them dearly.

You might ask, "Why would you move back there after all that happened. Aren't you scared it will happen again?"  That answer is easy. One, I  am following my friends and my heart. Secondly, a single word: Closure.  Am I afraid, it will happen again? Sure I am, hence the nervousness, but as I said earlier, I refuse to be a prisoner of my own fears ever again.

With all of that said,  I suppose I should get off my butt, and do some more work in preparation for this mighty move to the town where it all started, ended, and is starting again as a new chapter in my life.

~Tess~

Spell-Casting vs Prayer

Someone stated once, "casting spells is evil!" I said really? Let me run a few things by you.

When you want or need something you go to your spiritual place, usually a church and light a candle, you kneel, clasp your hands together and ask for something; either change in your life, for someone you love to over come an illness (and you may even place their picture at the prayer altar or podium or whatever you call it, or may just ask for guidance and then you draw the cross across your chest. She said "Yes, basically."

Ok, I go to my spiritual place, be it outside or to a place I created in my home, I light candles and some incense, I may kneel or stand, I raise my hands upward, I ask for change in my life, or for a love one to be healed, I too will place a picture on the altar in such cases, and sometimes I may just feel lost and ask for guidance, I then draw my spiritual symbol in the air.

Tell me my friend, how is my spell-work much different than your prayer? She could not give me a valid answer.

Regardless of your spiritual path, whenever you desire change and you do something be it pagan ritual, spell-casting, or Christian prayer, you are setting energies into motion to achieve the change you desire. ~Tess~

Our Struggle with a Conservative/discriminating School Board

My daughter was sent home her first day for refusing to remove her lip piercings because they were not healed yet. The district seems to discriminate who can and can’t have piercings. As I stood in the hallway this morning waiting to talk to a school official I counted 27 students with facial piercings. 7 of those students spoke face to face with a school official and nothing was said about their piercings, yet my daughter sits at home missing out on her education due to a loosely enforced dress-code rule.
I went to the High School with the NC students article in hand and it seemed to do *some* good at the high school itself. However they want a statement of faith and a mission statement from our church. LOL- hmmm I guess I can type one up myself. “My church” is all around us, it is in our spirit, it is part of who we are. It is not an organized place of worship that has guidelines and by-laws.
The Superintendent’s office however was a whole other ball game. Dr. Couch the Superintendent was eager to point out that similar cases have been over-turned in the State of New Mexico and schools were allowed to adhere to their no piercing policies. I did ask was this on a state level or did anyone take it to federal court. Naturally she was citing district courts and judgement made by district court judges. I was happy to point out that the story I referred her to went to the Federal level and asked if the district really wanted to take it that, far. I also told her I really hoped it did not come to that but that I am just tenacious enough to take it that far. Suddenly she had another meeting she had to get to and rushed me out of the office.
I created a petition to get the code changed on change.org. Please feel free to visit my FB page Tess and read about it. I have made all posts concerning this matter public. I am sure only local signatures count, but please feel free to find the petition link and sign. Every signature generates an e-mail to the superintendent and the school board president. The more e-mails the districts officials get inundated with, the more it will show just how many people believe the banning of body modification is archaic and a violation of personal civil rights as well as religious and spiritual rights.
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UPDATE #1:

Yesterday evening we went to a professional piercer to get Skylar’s retainers put in. Her lips were not healed enough and even the piercing artist could not get them in and sadly her holes started to close and she could not even get her old jewelry back in. Skylar was extremely upset by this. But not to worry folks, this battle is NOT over by a long shot. She may not have her piercings in right now but American Woman Tattoo and Body Piercing has vowed to fix this and will re-pierce her in two weeks after allowing her time to heal fully and when they pierce them they are going to insert the clear jewelry immediately.
Am I pissed? You bet your sweet fanny I am pissed. If the school would not be so closed minded and controlling all the emotional and physical trauma my daughter has gone through in the past 4 days would have never happened. In two weeks she is going to go through the pain of getting pierced again. Yes this is HER choice but the school has forced her decision by causing the need to get re-pierced in the first place.

Here is a pic of Skylar a couple of days before her jewelry came out.

Update #2:
We seem to already be making an impact. The district superintendent had informed the High School that they will start allowing students to wear clear facial jewelry. However at this point they are still making students remove their current jewelry and not allowing them the opportunity to purchase clear jewelry first. Many of you know that facial and other body mods close within a matter of hours even when fully healed. When not healed a new piercing or mod can close within minutes. Lets keep this petition going. I am going to update the letter that goes out to the superintendent to reflect that the schools need to allow time, a grace period so to speak in order to allow students the opportunity to get clear jewelry without the risk of losing their piercing . Again thank you and keep passing this petition on.
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UPDATE #3:

Contacted Mountain View Telegraph this morning and spoke with the editor about the schools policy on piercings. He agrees this is an issue that needs to be addressed and is going to have one of his reporters contact me. Yes it is a small paper but it is our local paper and will get to many locals residents. The local residents are the people that can make the largest impact on this issue. I also found out recently that the Moriarty-Edgewood School Districts dress code policy has not been updated for approximately 10 years
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As I said before, Skylar’s piercings closed when we tried to get the clear jewelry in, so for us, this is not a victory, but it is progress. We will be getting her re-pierced in two weeks with clear jewelry when she has healed. She should not have to go through this and we are hoping to help many other students and parents avoid the same fate that has befallen us.

I will keep you all updated.
In peace and unity,
Tess

A Years Time- A True Story of Persecution and Struggle

What can happen in a year? Perhaps you think a life and the life of an entire family can not change completely in a year’s time. Let me tell you a story and prove how wrong you are.


    David and Jean Long, their children, James, Ray, Nolene, and Nicole led a humble but happy life in a small city in Texas. David and Jean had been married eleven years. He had worked as an animal cruelty investigator for the city for ten of those years. It was a job that he greatly enjoyed and loved. Jean had lived in the city for almost 35 years and loved it in the small town. It was a town that had everything they ever needed for themselves and their children; great schools, wonderful people and shopping nearby. This family considered itself truly blessed. They owned a home with about 2 acres of land on the outskirts of town. It was a safe place for their children to play, they had nice neighbors, and the school was walking distance from their home.
    
    However there was only one thing about this family that was different, they were Wiccan/Pagan. This never seemed to make much of a difference in anything they did in their lives. They did not flaunt it openly nor did they ever disregard any ones right to religious freedom. They even supported their children on their own decisions about what religious path they wanted to choose, allowing them to attend Sunday school and vacation bible school with friends. David and Jean were kind and caring people. Jean enjoyed animal rescue and would take in abandoned creatures of all kinds in hopes of helping them to have happy, healthier lives. David could never tell some one in need ‘NO”. You could see that the children were following in both parents footsteps; helping both people and animals in need. These people, although not rich in material possessions were the wealthiest people alive in love and compassion for each other, humankind and their naturalsurroundings. They were a quiet family. The family never went out much and were known to be people you could always count on when you needed them. They were always willing to help if they were able.
    
    On approximately October 7th 2004, Jean went to David’s place of employment, a place she has volunteered at for almost a year before her husband began working there. She was looking for a new dog; her Rottie had died the year before. The place her husband worked was the local animal shelter. They did not have any Rottweilers at this time; so her husband signed on to the computer and let her look online at a few rescue groups. During this time she asked if she could check her e-mail, he saw no harm in this, as the shelter supervisors had let her and others use the internet on many occasions. She checked her e-mail, told David she was done and prepared to leave. She ran into David’s supervisor and co-workers, said her hellos and left. After Jean departed, David was questioned by his co-workers about two bumper stickers they had just seen on the family van. (“Blessed Be” and “The Earth does not belong to us We belong to the Earth”) David was asked “How long has your wife been a witch?” He simply responded, “I am not going to get into a religious debate.” and proceeded with his day. The next day he was handed a business card of his supervisors with the biblical scripture, “It would have been better to have never known me than to have known me and left” handwritten on the back.
    
    A few days later Jean went back to the animal shelter to look at the dogs again, she found one she liked and asked if she could adopt it. She was told that it was not up for adoption yet, but she could come back Friday just before closing to adopt the dog, it was a sweet black female mixed breed. She agreed to this. Jean eagerly waited for Friday and looked forward to picking up the new addition to her family. Finally Friday came; she went to the animal shelter to adopt her new dog. Her husband was then told that they could not adopt the dog to them at this time due to normal operating procedure. It was the month of October and the shelter had taken a policy a few years prior of not adopting out black and white animals during the month of October due to some cruel practices they had come upon in the past. David and Jean tried to explain, that the shelter employees knew them well enough to know that this was not the case with them. The employees and the supervisor knew the Longs well and knew their devotion to their pets and that the dog would be well taken care of and not abused. However they had to go home without the dog. Approximately two days later some one else was allowed to adopt the dog, going against the policy that was cited to the Longs. When animal shelter staff was asked about this they explained that the Longs had a dog that had been hit by a car not that long ago. David told them it was a fluke accident that could have happened to any one, and had actually happened to a part time employee on approximately the same day as their own dog was hit, and that she had been allowed to adopt again. Staff could not provide any reasonable explanation as to why the dog they wanted had been adopted out to someone else against policy or as to why another employee was allowed to adopt a dog while the Longs were not permitted to do so under similar circumstances. Naturally the Longs were upset by this, but they pursued it no further. Jean got another dog from an outside source and they still have her to this day. Life continued.
    
    On October 26, 2004 David went to work as usual, only to find he was being terminated from employ with the city animal shelter. Official reason cited that he had allowed his wife access to the shelters computers which was in direct violation of city policy. When David stated that she had always been allowed by the current supervisor as well as previous supervisors to use them; the current supervisor denied this fervently, and proceeded to add that Jean was visiting “questionable” sites and named, E-pagan and Witch Vox sites as the sites. Jean never accessed pagan sites while on the shelters computer, she did however check e-mail from E-Pagan and Witch Vox on the day in question. David asked that if pagan sites were questionable, (as religious sites) then all the other sites visited by other employees should also be in question. He informed the dismissal committee about Catholic Sites, other biblical sites, and even a Psychic site that he had witnessed other employees visit. His comment went undocumented. David was a ‘vested’ employee with the city, and all evaluations in the past showed him to be an excellent employee. He always went above and beyond the call of duty. It was a well known fact that he could be depended on to take other employees stand by if they were unable to or had a crisis arise, he would work on his days off when needed. He even won the city’s “Employee of the Month” award at one time. There are certain procedures the city was to follow in an attempt to terminate a vested employee, none of these procedures were followed. David was not given a verbal warning about any misconduct, nor was he given written reprimand or leave without pay, all of which are supposed procedures the city follows.
    
    After all was said and done, David was with out his job. He filed for unemployment in order to support his family while he looked for another suitable job. He was denied his unemployment on grounds that he was terminated for violating company policy. David naturally appealed this decision. During the appeal hearing, the interviewer informed him, that his past employer also stated the use of porn sites on the shelters computer. Both David and Jean were completely shocked at the lengths the city would go to deny this family a means to support itself. The Longs tried to stay in positive spirit. David continued unsuccessfully to find adequate employment, after several interviews and what at first appeared to be a sure thing. (He was told he was the fore runner, all that needed to be done was past employment verification) Interviews even went so far as naming a potential start date. Never to be heard from again. He attempted to contact these potential employers to find out the status of the hiring process and was told they had decided to hire someone else, no further explanation was necessary on their part. Finally David was forced to take a job with a temporary agency that brought in less than half of what the household finances were used to.
    
    The year prior the Longs had taken out a home improvement loan on their home and property. The mortgage was fast becoming 90 days delinquent. They made the heart breaking decision to put the home up for sale in order to pay the note and have money left over to get by on for awhile. They had a potential buyer. The city planning and zoning department after several meetings finally approved the buyers requests to put up town homes, now all that was left was for city counsel to approve it, no one was worried about this, because city counsel had never gone against planning and zoning’s recommendation. Everyone involved was surprised when this did happen. It was only a few days after the decision was made, that the sell of the home fell through, and the Longs were on the brink of being homeless, that it was discovered three of the counsel members that voted should have excused themselves because they had either a vested interest in properties along the street, or they had friends that lived there. The vote had been corrupt. When this was brought to the attention of city authorities it too went undocumented. The Longs were basically forced to sell at an extreme loss just to pay the note and have a few thousand left over to try and start somewhere new.
    
    Before the family was able to pack everything for the move, they began to discover cruel atrocities being inflicted by some cruel person or people. Jean awoke to a sound early one Tuesday morning and went out to investigate; to horror she discovered that her Nolene’s beloved cat had been savagely slaughtered, it’s intestines removed, and hung from their front porch’s banister with a note attached to it stating, "God does not want you here!" Jean quietly took the cat down and wrapped the animal in a blanket, before the children woke up for school. Later that day she contacted authorities and made a report; (police declined to take photos). Later that afternoon she buried the cat.
    
    Several days later Ray came running in the house with another of the families pet cat’s there was an object protruding from the animals abdomen. Jean took the animal into her arms and discovered the object was a bolt from a crossbow. The cat had been shot by a low powered, hand held crossbow. Jean called the authorities and the animal was taken to the animal shelter, not a vet as the animal “cruelty investigators” (the very same people David had worked for), should have immediately done. Jean had to call and demand the animal be properly taken care of. The cat survived after two very tedious surgeries.
    
    The family moved to Northern California, to a desolate area, they had to drive over one hundred miles round trip just to go grocery shopping, take their children to a dentist, and pick up prescriptions, all of life’s everyday occurrences. The people in the area did not seem to care about anything or anyone, not even themselves it sometimes seemed. Their loving, happy children cried a lot, fought amongst themselves and were picked on by neighborhood kids. Jean who had a passionate love for nature and the outdoors stayed cooped up inside their rented home. David no longer had the patience he used to possess, he was angry, short tempered, depressed and resentful.
    
    David did find a job and the Longs thought they were on the way to recovering. In less than a month he was laid off. In such a desolate area he was been unable to find employment, they were having difficulty affording transportation for the over one hundred mile round trips to get to town to apply financial aid and food stamps. The children complained of being hungry, the water was toxic; (tested positive for high levels of manganese and arsenic) it was necessary to have drinking water delivered. Soon they wouldn't be able to have acceptable drinking water due to inability to pay for it. With the first snow will come soon, they were concerned about housing, heat, food and their over all future. This once happy family was scared, depressed and struggling just to survive from one day to the next.


This is how much can change in a years time.


Why?


FEAR.


Someone feared what they did not understand, so told lies and made up stories. This one person’s fear has changed a whole family’s life forever.


Jean questioned everything she has ever believed in.


The Long children had lost anything to believe in.


David still appears not to even believe in himself anymore.


I missed the strong, vibrant, and loving family unit that I once knew. Who am I?


I am Jean Long.


This is a true story, this is MY story.


    Certain details such as names and cities have been changed or omitted to protect the children and innocent parties. David and Jean would have liked to use their real names but decided against it, keeping the children’s best interest in mind. This is a case of discrimination and all of its ugliness and the terrible things it can lead to. This type of discrimination is brought on by nothing more than fear and peoples unwillingness to educate themselves in matters they do not understand. The Long’s religion/faith is a gentle one. Above all else they believe in,” Harm None”, yet they have been harmed and hurt in the most personal way, by attacking their spirit. You may know this family or a family much like them. You may be their friends, or you may be the person who fears them.


If you are the latter; ask yourself: “What am I afraid of?”


End note: David and I are now divorced and I am in a new and wonderful marriage. I have rebuilt my connection with Deity , although it was never really lost. I felt disconnected and frightened. The children are much happier but still have a certain amount of distrust in them. Someday I hope that will abate for them.

Update July 2014: Escaping the Prison of Fear

To read more about how I feel about myself please read my other blog entry " So who is this Momma Tess person anyway? "

©2005
~Momma Tess